Wednesday, December 30, 2009

My new diet plan for 2010

The Miracle Toddler Diet:

Day One
Breakfast: 1 Scrambled Egg, 1 piece of jelly toast. Take 2 bites of egg, using only your fingers, then see if the rest will stick to the ceiling. Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly on your face, clothes, and white table cloth.
Lunch: Find crumbs on the kitchen floor and eat them. Find that lollipop you lost last week and finish it off.
Dinner: Drop pieces of spaghetti onto back of dog, insert meatball into ear. Dump pudding into apple juice and suck it up with a straw.

Day Two
Breakfast: 4 crayons, any color. 2 dimes, 3 nickels, and a penny. Wash it down with a squirt gun filled from the dog's dish.
Lunch: 2 bites of peanut butter and jelly sandwich, 3 jelly beans you found from last Easter. Dump milk on table, slurp up with your tongue.
Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until it's sticky, drop it in the dirt, then continue licking until it's no longer dirty. Bring in the house and drop on the rug.
Dinner: Small bowl of ice cream, making sure you let the cat share the bowl with you, Handful of cheese puffs, and kool-aid. Be sure to spill the Kool-aid all over the freshly-washed white tablecloth.

Day Three
Breakfast: Stale toast found under couch, 3 sips of flat Coke.
Lunch: 1/4 tube of toothpaste (any flavor), handful of potato chips.
Dinner: Half a tube of lipstick (any color), handful of Purina Dog Chow. Ice cube if desired.

Repeat this menu as needed until you achieve desired results.

Follow this toddler diet, and you too, will be fit and trim like every toddler on the block!


Esther and Brian said...

OMG! I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD READING THIS! This is hilarious...but I bet real true! Oh Lordie!

Adriane said...


Amanda said...

LMAO...this is so hilarious...however Brooklyn's version involves much more dog food and dog water!!

Tracy said...

Oh my goodness, that is SO freaking hilarious! And true! LMAO!